I am currently looking for a job, and since I wasn’t able to graduate from college, plus the fact that I had already spent more than three years in the industry, the most sensible decision for me would be to go back to being a call center employee. And so, before I put on a headset again and start taking in calls after an almost one year break, let me recall the times when in spite of all the stress, I was able to get a good laugh out of being a call center agent.
On my first week:
Me: Do the signatures match?
Caller: No
Me: (caught off guard as I had to deviate from the spiel). Oh, how unmatching? (Huh?) I mean, how different are the signatures?
Another call during my first week:
Caller: I need the number for the Gift Cards Department.
Me: Ok here it is. 1-8xx-xxxxxxx.
Caller: I already called that number, but nobody’s answering.
Me: (caught off guard again) It must be that they’re receiving a high volume of calls at the moment. Perhaps you can call them back mga 30 minutes from now. (Nag estimate lang, nag-Tagalog na. Hehe!)
Well, those were very minor slips. Besides, I was still very new then, so I was still somehow nervous. But as time went on, the slips became major lapses, and I can offer no excuses. Here it goes:
While talking to an Indian:
Caller: My name is ……….
Me: Sir I didn’t get that, could you spell that for me please? (how polite. Hehe!)
Caller: That’s P for ….(he was using Indian words to phonetically spell his name, ergo, I could still not understand him)
Me: (already irate, shouting for all the other agents to hear) SIR, COULD YOU SPELL THE WHOLE WORLD TO ME? (oops, world daw oh. Haha!)
Fellow Agent: Whole world? Hirap nun ah!
Another Indian caller:
Me: May I have your complete address?
Caller: Okay that’s 14 oblique 2 oblique 21…..
Me: (flaunting my knowledge of Math) Sir is that oblique as in the angle?
Caller: No, no, no that’s 14 oblique 2 oblique 21….
Me: (a little irritated) Is that oblique as in O-b-l-i-q-u-e?
Caller: No, oblique, oblique, oblique!
Me: (already frustrated) Sir, what the hell is OBLIQUE?
Fellow Agent: Tanga, slash yun sa mga Bumbay.
Me: (the truth dawns on me, so I return to my usually polite tone) Thank you so much for that information sir!
The next one is not a blooper, but is nonetheless funny:
Caller: (With an unmistakably Indian accent) My name is……….
Me: And where do you live?
Caller: I live in
Me: I mean, where do you permanently reside?
Caller: As I said, in
Me: (having another attack of my brutal honesty) No sir.
Enough of the Indians, the next two are perfect examples that you should choose your words carefully when you try to make small talk with your callers.
Caller: My name is ……. Bowen.
Me: (clearly thinking of the singer David Bowie) So that is Bowen, like David Bowen?
Caller: What?
Me: uhm, nevermind.
This one is very awkward:
Caller: (who is already more than 70 yrs old) I am from
Me: (unable to hide excitement as my childhood idol, Bret Hart, hails from there) Oh ma’am, that’s where Bret Hart lives right?
Caller: yeah, why?
Me: He’s my favorite wrestler. Are you a fan of his?
What ensued was a weird conversation about wrestling. Imagine discussing the topic with your grandmother and you’ll understand why.
I’m saving the best for last, but again, this is not a blooper on my part. But this is the ultimate example of a stressful situation turned into a humorous call.
Ross (a new German agent): Hi Adrian, I have a new claim.
Me: Okay, go ahead and transfer. Thanks!
Ross does a cold transfer, meaning he transfers the caller directly to me without conferencing the call so he could introduce me to the caller.
Me: Yes hi, this is
Caller: Shalom, shalom!!!
Me: I’m sorry?
Caller: Shalom, shalom!
Me: You speak Hebrew?
Caller: Yes, yes!
Me: (mutes the phone so the caller couldn’t hear me) Damn! Who transferred the Hebrew new claim? It’s gonna kill my AHT (average handling time)!!!
This was a pretty upsetting situation for agents who are gunning for a promotion as language calls take forever. Nevertheless, I did my duty and dialed for a Hebrew Interpreter, whose name is Yousef David.
Me: What is the claimant’s name?
Interpreter: (with a very thick accent) That’s ………, spelled as M like Mastercard, A like the second letter of Mastercard, S like the third letter of Mastercard. K for knowledge, A for abc….(he went on spelling like that for the whole call)
After the call, during which I had a few laughs because of the interpreter’s skills in phonetic spelling, I stood up to confront Ross (I didn’t know who he was as he was still new). So I walked around the floor, asking for him. When I located him, I saw a very pale, thin, middle aged man. Losing my resolve to teach him the ropes in a way he would never forget (I’m so mean. Haha!), I put a hand on his shoulder and gently said, “Kuya, next time po kapag Foreign Language Call, huwag niyo po muna transfer agad sa Refunds. Tawag po muna kayo sa PAC para makapag assign sila ng tatanggap ng tawag.”
These are just some, but these are the only ones I can remember as of now. Better put it in writing, or else I’ll forget these light moments completely. In times like these when I seem short on humor, a few laughs are very welcome. Haha!
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